Mention of Failure and Struggle

I fell down. Yes, me. Rakeem Vaquan Person fell down. The "arrogant" one, the confident one, "the one who had it all together" stumbled and not only stumbled but fell--and hard. Some of you may take joy in this, some of you may be horrified, some of you may be saddened. I apologize for all of this, but guess what? Im human. I tried to forget that in the past but now i realize that it isnt necessarily a weakness, being human has its strengths. It means that I dont have to try so hard. I dont have to be so strong. Weakness is okay, frailty is expected, and God is the source behind my success.

Some of you may wonder what i mean by this. If you dont know...then ask me personally, if you do then it needs no explanation. There is a journey that i took, a journey that i sometimes regret. But the choice was not completely mine to make. I am not a quitter, not by nature anyway--but sometimes i feel like quitting. And for a little while...i did quit. But i see that quitting is not the answer, for some reason I cannot run away. I dont have that luxury.

For some this may reinforce doubt, for others this may strike a nerve...in any case, its not about really what you think its about what my Father thinks and I had forgotten that for a while. Perfection can be a burden when one tries to perfect himself but i have learned, in this undue season, that only One can truly perfect a human being.

I am not worthy of this second second chance. I don't deserve the forgiveness of those i have led astray. Some of you wont be hearin from me for a while--if at all. Some of you will. Its not personal...its spiritual.

Maya Angelou wrote a poem called "When I Say I Am A Christian" and it states the most profoundly simple, yet intricately spiritual truths that many of us Christians [including myself] have missed. I will excerpt two stanzas of Maya's poem for the purpose of this note.

Stanza 2:
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

Stanza 7:
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

The mercy of God thru Christ did not come because of my own merit, no, it came because God said it out of incomprehensible love. This poem shows that Christians have no right to be arrogant, no right to condemn others, no right to look down their noses because we are all a slip away from the gutter. We are all a breath away from that which we frown upon. Be not deceived, God is not mocked--above all things is charity.

I ask those who know what i am talking about and resent me for making this mistake[s] to forgive me but more importantly NOT to look to me as your only example if an example at all. Look to Christ. I'm striving just like you, I'm human just like you, I'm struggling just like you. I havent made it. I have not arrived. Honestly, i'm too far behind.

Some of you will not understand or agree with this but i know via the Word of God that ALL things work to the good of them that LOVE God. Not some things, ALL things! Remember a saint is just a sinner who fell down and GOT UP.

Its not gonna be overnight. You may hear me cuss, you may observe my eyes wandering--but you will NOT see me quit as long as God is on my side. I am one of many prodigal sons and i am returning home. But not out of merit but out of the grace and mercy of the Most High. I do not judge you--I do not have the right. But i do ask you to [when the time comes] choose to get up. We have work to do and we need each other. I need you to help me and I promise that i will return it.

Thank you. Be Blessed forever.