Myan's Truth (Episode 6)

“Do you trust me?”

It was that one question, that one simple, innocent question which got me to do the one thing I wasn’t ready to do. I call it a trick of the enemy. Christians would say that “the enemy” is Satan. But I say it could be Satan, Fate, Chance, Irony, and countless other entities responsible for the path that I walk. What does one say to that question when it’s asked by the one that you are in love with? There is only one answer that you and I both know is the ideal one and that is:
“Yes, baby. Of course I do.”

I knew from the smirk on his well sculptured face that I had just signed myself over to something evil. My heart sunk and I began to pray.

“Two tickets for “Brokeback Mountain,” please.” Said Zye to the teller at the theater. This was a theater that played movies released a year to a few years ago. It was cheap and relatively relaxed. I gave Zyiah Johnson the look he deserved for tricking me like that. He simply gave me that dynamite smile and paid the woman. I didn’t even notice the entertained glint in her eyes.

“Now you know you wrong for that.”

“My, it really isn’t that serious. It’s a good movie and you told me to choose. You shouldn’t be delegating tasks if you not gonna man up and accept the outcome.” The smirk never left his face.

“Fine, we gonna go in here and look like some damn fools seeing this movie. A film about two white men who cheat on their wives and cowboy it up in the mountains. Yeah, this just screams “Oscar”.” Sarcasm literally dripped from my mouth. Zye only smirked harder and went to order the popcorn.

I felt so out of place. We were the only black people going to see this damn movie. Hell, most of the people here were coupled up heterosexually. Aint that a trip?
“Baby, it is definitely not too late to just slip into one of the kiddy movies or Rush Hour 3.”

“Yeah, it isn’t too late but we aren’t gonna do that.” I loved it when he got all bossy and imperative with me. I sucked in my breath in an exaggerated sigh and bit the bullet.

Now back to the original question. Do I trust him? Apparently I trusted him enough to drag me into a film that toyed with the emotions of various types of people. Be they homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or even asexual. The film was in fact, a love story. Not that I agree with adultery, especially with the same sex, but it was nonetheless a love story. I might just trust Zye to pick a movie the next time as well.

We were sitting there, minding our business. Zye was cuddled in against me. I was sipping on a big ass coke and then I heard whispers. Whispers directly behind the two of us. All my concentration was given to the huge screen. My questions of whether Zye had heard the whispers was answered as I felt him tense in my arms.

A little girl walked down the stairs beside our seat. She gave us a look as her mom coddled the girl to her side as if a deadly creature was near them. The heat of my anger flared just a little before my mind could even completely gather what had just happened. A few more people began to leave but the whispers never stopped.

Apparently, some people didn’t get the synopsis about what kind of backs were gonna get broken in this movie and by who. Excuse the innuendo, I couldn’t help myself.
Zye gave me a look in the dark. It was the tiredness of people’s ignorance and the burden of enduring every day held all in one glance. Then I heard it…loud and clear. “Are those two guys? What the fuck?”

I didn’t even turn my back. I just sat there…contemplating what I should do. They weren’t talking about the picture on the screen. It was one of those moments where no specificity was needed and implication was an understatement. Gasps and more whispers accompanied the question of “she who was ignorant and obnoxious.” I was really beginning to get agitated with this shit.

I turned my back and took a breath to say something when I was interrupted.
“Lady. Are you serious? This is a fucking gay movie. This movie is based on the premise of two men having an affair. How idiotic of you to make a scene about it being two guys, two GAY guys in a theater when, clearly, this movie is of a homosexual nature. So are you mentally handicapped or is stupidity your only achievement in life?” All this came from Zye. I turned back to look at him because it was as if my words had been transported to his mouth. It was almost scary. The look on his face was still one of weariness.

“Excuse me, but wh—“ the random lady began. She was two rows behind us. The seats beside her were empty so it looked as if she ventured out to the theater alone. She stopped in mid-sentence because someone cut her off and it wasn’t Zye or myself.

“Bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you? It is the NEW millennium. It aint even entertaining anymore. Your ass is sittin in a theater watching a movie about what you see every damn day. No wonder your dumb ass is sittin in here alone clogging your arteries with all that popcorn. Get a life and get the fuck over it already.”

The woman who said this was about eighteen and biracial. The man sitting beside her was white and handsome in the conventional way. He was trying to contain a laugh. The eighteen year old, whose name I later found out to be Brooke, looked dead at Zye and me and shook her head with incredulity. The older woman that had pointed us out got up from her seat and breezed past us in a huff. It’s quite interesting how people get offended by the outspokenness of others so easily but when the shoe is on the other foot they can’t take it.

Brooke winked at us and her boyfriend, I am assuming, smiled at us. Zye and I exchanged a look then smiled back and a few seconds later laughed our asses off. We heard an echo of our laughter a few seats back and we didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Brooke and her man. For once we didn’t have to justify ourselves or cuss anyone out. For once a fellow American stood up for us. Could she be a good Samaritan? I think so. But I doubt that religious freaks would agree with me. But who really gives a damn what they agree with? Jesus didn’t.

I Learned From The Best

Hmmmmm...Whitney, with this song, is taking me there! I dont know where there is! But I'm there! I learned from the mf'n best! I know how to break a heart now. But I dont want to use that skill. Never want to put anybody through this.

Lessons Learned

“Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned.”

Alicia speaks so much truth in this one line. The entire song is prolific. If nothing else I have gained from these past experiences with love, it is that I am a survivor but not strictly because I’m so resilient. It’s primarily because God placed something in me that is determined to bounce back. I don’t always see it but then, that’s what friends and family (and sometimes even strangers) are for.

I’ve been heartbroken a couple of times in my life. But this recent hurt is not something I consider heartbreak. My heart aches, yes, but it is not broken. I’m not in pieces and this must be all to the grace of God. I am imperfect and anyone that I may come to love in the future will be imperfect as well. However, I pray that together, we have a semblance of perfection. Together we would be stronger than a part.

I call everything that I’ve been through in the past couple of months a lesson learned. It may not be appreciated just yet, but it is a lesson nonetheless. I’ve learned that love conquers much…but it doesn’t conquer all. I know that may seem a bit blasphemous to some of us but love, itself, is so multifaceted. Perhaps certain kinds of love conquers all, but not ALL love conquers all.

I’ve also learned that anger, though it has its place, is not beneficial. For at the end of the day, at least in my case, my anger comes from hurt. Especially when it comes from those who are prominent in any way in my life. When I’m angered it’s because something was done to me that I do not feel was justified. It hurt my heart but with that hurt came something less “weak.” I’ve been happy in anger before, but now I’d rather not thrive in it. It’s much healthier, I believe, to thrive in love even if it’s nothing but the love of oneself.

I could go on and on about the lessons I’ve learned but I will not wary the patience of all those who may read this…at least not in this one post.
When I look back, a part of me wants to feel regret (and I may really feel that) but a greater part of me is…satisfied. Not content, no, but satisfied. Everything did not work out the way I wanted it to, but in the end, as always, Rakeem is coming out DOIN’ JUST FINE.