Countless Thoughts #11 SHIHAN!!

Barack Obama on Ellen

I wasn't gonna say anything about the political realm BUT I came across this video on my new favorite pasttime--YOUTUBE. Even as a regular person I think Obama is cool ppls. I'm not gonna tell you who to vote for because, well, that aint my problem. lol Anyway, just respect ppl and be able to understand and identify with people no matter if you think they will be a good president or not. Can we do that?

Countless #11 Update on Chi Chi

Vivian green - Selfish

Sometimes people don't understand when that one they can always count on goes through a transformation in order to make it from day to day. Sometimes we just need to do for ourselves and everyone is going to think we are being selfish, when in fact we are simply trying to survive just like everyone else. Anyone disagree? Every once in a while it takes being selfish [in some ways] to continue to do just fine.

Lyfe Jennings - Will I Ever

I'm feelin this beyond measure

Faithful Are the Wounds of a Friend

So…my best friend is tripping. Lets call him Edward for the sake of this blog. Anyway…I am in a place right now where I really cant nor do I want to deal with unnecessary drama. And he of course brings it. Being changeable and moody as if I have done something to him when I haven’t. How do I know this? Because I have been on fall break and haven’t had verbal or physical contact with him. Now I did send a message on Facebook which he never responded too. I didn’t break off communication and I really don’t need this right now. I’m going through things and I need my best friend but I don’t know if we will survive this one because I think I am close to being fed up with foolishness in general. Friendship, in my opinion, should not be this hard. I just want to know what is going on but I don’t know how this will end. But in the end this will all work for my good and I know I will be doing just fine.

Countless Thoughts #8 Fire in the House

21:03 singing cover me

This song really ministers to me. We, as Christians and people in general, need to realize that we need each other. We are not strong enough to do this on our own. Sometimes, we [especially me], feel the need to be "strong" and not ask for help or let people know that I'm struggling but a series of events made me get over that to a great degree. Pride aint worth it. All it takes sometimes is someone to simply say "You can make it" or "I'm proud of you." Not much in deed or time but much in action. With that said:

My brother or sister, whatever you are going through [Christian or not] I want you to know that you can make it. I want you to know that we are all struggling. None of us have arrived. Remember, I need you to cover me and continue to keep me lifted. Be blessed.

Vivian Green - Gotta Go Gotta Leave

This song really spoke to me in so many ways. Everything in it, of course, doesn't apply to me BUT a lot of it does. I'm tired of love. In the past I have held on to a love that was hurting me. I did this out of some warped sense of self sustainment [not a word lol] but at the same time I did it for her. Needless to say it broke me down and I had to let her go.

"I gotta go. I gotta leave.
So please don’t make it hard for me.
I’ve gave enough, I’m tired of love,
I gotta let it go"

Anybody gotta go??

Countless Thoughts #6 - Spirit of Truth

J Moss - I'm Not Perfect feat. Anthony Hamilton

Remixx - Dear Lord

Mention of Failure and Struggle

I fell down. Yes, me. Rakeem Vaquan Person fell down. The "arrogant" one, the confident one, "the one who had it all together" stumbled and not only stumbled but fell--and hard. Some of you may take joy in this, some of you may be horrified, some of you may be saddened. I apologize for all of this, but guess what? Im human. I tried to forget that in the past but now i realize that it isnt necessarily a weakness, being human has its strengths. It means that I dont have to try so hard. I dont have to be so strong. Weakness is okay, frailty is expected, and God is the source behind my success.

Some of you may wonder what i mean by this. If you dont know...then ask me personally, if you do then it needs no explanation. There is a journey that i took, a journey that i sometimes regret. But the choice was not completely mine to make. I am not a quitter, not by nature anyway--but sometimes i feel like quitting. And for a little while...i did quit. But i see that quitting is not the answer, for some reason I cannot run away. I dont have that luxury.

For some this may reinforce doubt, for others this may strike a nerve...in any case, its not about really what you think its about what my Father thinks and I had forgotten that for a while. Perfection can be a burden when one tries to perfect himself but i have learned, in this undue season, that only One can truly perfect a human being.

I am not worthy of this second second chance. I don't deserve the forgiveness of those i have led astray. Some of you wont be hearin from me for a while--if at all. Some of you will. Its not personal...its spiritual.

Maya Angelou wrote a poem called "When I Say I Am A Christian" and it states the most profoundly simple, yet intricately spiritual truths that many of us Christians [including myself] have missed. I will excerpt two stanzas of Maya's poem for the purpose of this note.

Stanza 2:
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

Stanza 7:
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

The mercy of God thru Christ did not come because of my own merit, no, it came because God said it out of incomprehensible love. This poem shows that Christians have no right to be arrogant, no right to condemn others, no right to look down their noses because we are all a slip away from the gutter. We are all a breath away from that which we frown upon. Be not deceived, God is not mocked--above all things is charity.

I ask those who know what i am talking about and resent me for making this mistake[s] to forgive me but more importantly NOT to look to me as your only example if an example at all. Look to Christ. I'm striving just like you, I'm human just like you, I'm struggling just like you. I havent made it. I have not arrived. Honestly, i'm too far behind.

Some of you will not understand or agree with this but i know via the Word of God that ALL things work to the good of them that LOVE God. Not some things, ALL things! Remember a saint is just a sinner who fell down and GOT UP.

Its not gonna be overnight. You may hear me cuss, you may observe my eyes wandering--but you will NOT see me quit as long as God is on my side. I am one of many prodigal sons and i am returning home. But not out of merit but out of the grace and mercy of the Most High. I do not judge you--I do not have the right. But i do ask you to [when the time comes] choose to get up. We have work to do and we need each other. I need you to help me and I promise that i will return it.

Thank you. Be Blessed forever.

Countless Thoughts #5

Hitman Sammy Sam - Step Daddy

i love this song! lil boy in red is gettin it.

I'm Here

And I'm living. Ya'll I've been going through some thangs. Let me tell you--lol. I find it interesting how someone can be in a place that he never foresaw. I'm not going to go into too many details but like I have already stated...I have found my humanity and i don't like it. I keep drifting further and further but all the while holding on to that which I hold dearest--FAITH.

No matter where you are in life you cannot let people rob you of that one thing. The knowledge that God is in control, not you, not me, not anyone but God. That faith keeps me goin. If you are going through something--anything--drugs, gang violence, sexual abuse, physical abuse, identity crisis, sexuality issues, all that--all it takes i faith to know that one day it will all be over. You [nor I] will have to fight this hard all our lives. Trouble does only last for a while but sometimes the hardest thing to do is hold on but its the easiest thing to say.

I have so much on my plate, education-wise, spiritually, humanly, personally, emotionally and all the other "-lly's" out there. I'm just waitin, prayin that I dont die before I wake up from the tiresome dream. Pray with me. Sooner or later we all gonna be doin' just fine.

Concrete Angel

Countless Thoughts #2

Anthony Hamilton Ft. Jaheim, Musiq - Struggle No More

Not Superman, Just a Man

You know...I have come to realize something: I am only human, no matter how hard I try to be superhuman I cant. Don't worry, I mean I still am doin' just fine I guess but I am having a moment. At this point in my life I feel a little broken and offended. Broken because all my walls came crashing down and most of my masks broke and there was nothing I could do about.

Every one looking at me as if I am something extraordinary or special but I am nothing more than a man and I struggle like everyone else. I realized that we have to stop lying to ourselves before we can stop lying to people. If you dont be real with anyone else be REAL with your self not matter what the case may be. Be real and honest with God [it aint like he dont already know lol] but He respects boldness and honesty.

If all else fails [and it just well might] remember to KISS (Keep It Simple Silly]. If you KISS and just be real with yourself everything will eventually be ok and we all will be DOIN' JUST FINE.