Introduction of: "Murphy Me"

I’m convinced that romance doesn’t exist. And that fairytales are really stories of fake love instead of true love because the love I have seen doesn’t do any of the shit that Disney claims it does. No kiss has awoken me from unwanted sleep, no knight in shining armor has swept me off my feet, no dwarves have saved me from an evil bitch—oops, I meant witch—in order to live happily ever after with some fine ass prince. So I’m convinced that I don’t have a prince and this is how I get through life. We all have our coping mechanisms—this is mine: un-expectation. If you don’t expect something then you can’t be disappointed when you don’t get it. At least…that’s the theory. I’ll let you know if it really works or not once I actually apply it. Basically, no matter how much I pretend I always expect some prince or knight or hell, even a serf, to come and give me that fairytale romance. Hasn’t happened yet. And I’m not really hopeful that it will. Call me cynical. I won’t disagree with you.

I could go into so much detail about my life and about how this bitterness or this unfaith in love grew to this extent. I could…but I won’t because you really don’t need to know all of this to understand. Only one chapter in my life, one long ass moment in time, defined me as this beautifully cynical person that you see before you.

My name is Murf. Well not really, my real name is Murphy Blake. I think my mother was high when she signed the birth certificate but don’t tell her I said that. I’m 27, 5’10, medium brown skinned, bald with grey eyes, and ears that have a little point at the top. No elf jokes or we are gonna have complications.

Those pretty much sum up my physical characteristics. Oh wait, I’m not buff, I’m not scrawny either. Let’s just say I was blessed with a body that looks like I work out but not strenuously. Plus my abs kind of started fading away when I hit 23, but my tummy is still nice to look at. I’m not ugly, not in the least. I’m not psycho or overemotional, well I wasn’t any of those things when my heart got obliterated and I lost faith in the myth of true love.

Right now, I’m lonely. Not just alone. I’m lonely as hell and I’m not in denial about it. One contributing factor to my singleness might be that gay men are not any better than straight men, they just stereotypically dress better and look a bit more taken care of. To go along with the fact that I’m gay, I’m not a stereotype. I have no idea what the latest lingo is unless I read it on Facebook or some other community website. I don’t consider myself a top or a bottom…let’s just say, I am what I am. I have feminine moments and masculine moments, so does everyone else. I’m not into labels as you can see.

Despite all that I just said, I’m not picky. You don’t have to be damn near DL for me to be attracted to you—DL meaning damned and lifeless. That’s what I call those dudes who won’t step into who they are for fear of society or enjoyment of being another trifling man with no regard for his life or the ones who he’s screwing or being screwed by. Neither am I against the Little Richards of the world, granted I do not have a thing for Little Richard. Make-up, when it looks like a mask, is not a turn-on for me. Nothing personal, just fact.

Wow…I’m babbling now. Well not really. I just wanted you to see that there is really no reason for me to be a hopeless romantic with no faith in the future of my love life all because of my past. My friends, oops, I meant friend (no plurality), tells me that I’m gonna get over it. She tells me that somebody is gonna sweeten the bitterness out of me. Let’s just say that I’m not waiting for it.

Anyway, I guess I can go ahead and get to the point…or rather the story that has made me the sparkling bundle of sunshine you have before you right now. Perhaps I shouldn’t call it a story, it’s more than that. It’s a painful reality that I try not to revisit consciously but it’s always there…mocking me. The one time I thought love had found me. The one time I thought I had one of those chick-flick loves, I realized it was just a bunch of bull. Well…go ahead, sit back. It’s time to go there. I hope it doesn’t leave you as jaded as I am.