A Twist of Fate

Tell me this...

You wait and you wait for that one person who takes you as a whole. The one person who takes you by heart and by mind. You fall in love with them and then you are hit with a brick. That brick is labeled HSV2. The person that captures your heart is a victim of herpes.

The question is:

Do you open yourself up to the love that you know is there or do you tuck tail and run because you know that this is not what you want? Do you wrestle with thoughts of discrimination or do you relish in self-preservation? Weigh the options, weigh the risks. The love of your life could in fact leave you with a gift that you cannot give up or return. Is that a risk worth taking? Is it fair to them? No. Is that your fault? No. But what do you do?

Would God be so satirical and sadistic as to give you a love wrapped in a disease that cannot be cured and is also contagious? The relationship opens you up to everything besides the ultimate physical display of affection, does it make you shallow if you are not able to handle such a demand?

Is love worth one's health? Or is it really love if that love cannot be consummated without the risk of losing oneself in a virus that never goes away?

Love is so fickle, it molds itself to certain situations but one thing that love is not...is a cure. Its not a physical cure. It cannot perform a miracle. Will it make you a horrible person if you decide to save yourself from the impending danger of being a victim of herpes? Not necessarily. Many would deem it understandable. But what of the individual who has to live with this for the rest of his or her life? They aren't your responsibility. So many questions...but the answer lies only in you.

Ponder on that.

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Trust. Such a Sadistic Word

Could I really forsake the precedents that many ungrateful men have set? How can I expect better when all I have been given is worse? I am only human and sometimes that scares me. It frightens me like that which cannot be stopped. It frightens me the way that the night frightens a little child who has to walk alone. It frightens me like the sound of thunder while you’re in the house alone. It’s a part of nature but that doesn’t make it any less frightening.

Just like the inevitable night and the roar of thunder the inability to know if someone is going to hurt me scares the living heck out of me. Nothing is ever secure, nothing is ever truly written in stone. I could give my heart to someone and they could either coddle it as if it were the world’s most precious diamond or they could throw it to the ground with brutish force to watch it smash into many shards and pieces. It’s the risk one takes.

Trust is so fickle. It is conditional. Based upon precedents and behavioral consistencies. Trust is the river that flows freely until there is a rock or debris in its path and suddenly the waters are no longer soothing but rapid, choppy. These rocks could be small truths that deeper investigation found to be false. These rocks could be promises broken, small promises. The debris that causes the river to be hazardous could be as small as a phone number found in a pocket by chance.

Can I base my life on this? On this whim? On something as unstable and inconsistent as the direction of a wind or the flow of a river? Trust. Trust is a risk in and of itself. It’s a threat of disappointment or fulfillment. Its not a promise…it’s an intangible joke scratched into the brains of human’s everywhere. Will I forsake my trust, and in turn, forsake my sanity? Or will I hold on to the trust and risk forsaking the happiness of my heart? I don’t even trust that these questions will ever be answered so I simply continue on as I was…trusting that it will be okay thought there is no guarantee that it will.

beyonce - should have (now i know)

I'll Be Your Faggot

Random Talk-All of Us

Gotta Go

To be quite honest...I love him. I do. And I am one of those people that fight for love. I fight like a son of a bitch because of that warm fuzzy feeling on the inside of my stomach. Like a great fur coat being brushed against my insides. The thing is: I can't keep fighting for that feeling if it starts getting weak. If the fur begins to feel more like scratches instead of snuggles. I give my all, I exhaust all of my resources, and then I accept the conclusion that [you] are not worth my struggle to maintain whatever this may be. I cannot struggle by myself.

It takes TWO to make a thing go right. It takes TWO to make a relationship work. I'm strong, I'm rather much...but obviously I am not enough. I tried...honestly, I gave it my all to no avail. You or rather, he, chose to do other things and left me in an oasis of my tears. Left me in a pool of mourning because I suddenly realized that most of the hope for any salvaging of this relationship vacated the premises a while ago.

I recall a song by Leona Lewis that states, "Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile because I deserve to, it will ALL get better in TIME." With that said...I prepare myself for "in time" while i weep in the "now". Maybe we may still be together...one day...but that is a child's wish, a naive hope, a dream in the midst of a harsh reality. With that said...basically, I gotta go...but only so I can continue to be DOIN' JUST FINE.

[HQ] Listen - Beyonce Knowles

Am I the only one that can relate to this?

NEW!! Beyonce - Through With Love (2008) by Destiny's Child

Happy New Years!